Saturday, June 19, 2010


Big week. Real big. Big changes. I find that I feel refreshed, and newly energized. After all, as I said in my last post, when something really shitty happens you have 2 choices - to let it bring you down and ruin you, or to step up and say fuck this I'm going to rise above it. I'm choosing to do the latter. Earlier this week I felt like absolute crap and couldn't feel anything but upset. The thing that was strange was that I had anticipated the feelings for a long time prior and it honestly did not even matter at all when the time came. It hit me ten times harder than I thought it would and I had a very rough week overall. I came into the weekend realizing that it was pretty crucial to turn things around and get back to being me...the me that people like and want to be around. I think I had lost myself for a while this past year and that's not going to happen again, and it's certainly not going to continue any longer.

I find that some things really just anger me. Some of the things that made me sad just aggravate me when I think about them now, so I just put it out of my mind whenever those thoughts sneak in...or I just use it as fuel during workouts. People are amazing sometimes, both in disappointing ways and in positive ways as well. Certain people, 2 to be exact, have been instrumental in helping me get back up and helping me to feel good and just really kicking my ass to get out and get back to being myself. I think I've lost track of the countless hours I've spent talking things over with firefly and my parents and it's just so cool that some people are willing to take so much time out of their day to talk to me. It makes me feel good to know that people care that much about me, it's a great feeling. I owe them both big time and I definitely need to return that favor (labor day weekend firefleez!).

I think I'm going to start packing, I have some moves to make! Cheers~

Sunday, June 13, 2010


So what's going on lately....well let's see here... I've been working a lot lately. I don't mean a lot like 9-5 everyday and omg I'm a little baby and can't handle it and life is just so hard. I mean 12+ hours working everyday, I mean getting to work at 6:30 or 7 and not leaving until about the same time or later in the evening. As you would imagine, that's pretty tiring and it definitely took me about a full 2 months to get used to it and to be able to stay up all day without really dragging in the afternoon. Finally I have gotten used to it though, and it's been a great time since I started and overall it's just been an awesome experience and a very lucky thing for me to have happen. It's been very humbling, and it's already taught me a ton about myself and other people so I honestly don't have any regrets.

Unfortunately, and expectedly, when you work that many hours a day it affects your personal life. I mean how could it not? On the average day when I go to work and then go to the gym on my way home, I don't get home till 8:30 or 9 p.m. Not exactly ideal for having a personal life or social life, but it's getting easier to make that work. It's funny how much more productive I am when I have so much less time. Anyway, thank god that the people I work with function as co-workers, friends, and therapists all at once. Without them being willing to listen and give me advice on things I would probably be on my phone with people back east all day everyday.

I suppose it's a little tough to write on here because I don't really know who reads it. So I'll discuss something non-personal. Positive attitude. I cannot even begin to explain how important having a positive attitude has been for me lately, without it I don't know that I'd still be here right now writing this. In the past 2 months, a whole lot has gone wrong. Seriously, a lot. Conversely, a lot has gone right. But you know what? The stuff that goes wrong has a stronger effect often's just human nature. The important part though, and the skill I've recently developed, has been to have a positive attitude and to have emotional composure. The ability to have everything falling apart around you and still be standing there with a smile on your face having fun.

It's hard, it's really hard actually but at the end of the day you quickly realize that you have 2 options when you wake up each day. 1.) Let the shitty things bring you down and have a bad day. OR 2.) Put a smile on your face, put the awful shit in the back of your mind, and promise yourself that you're going to have a good day and have fun. I've been choosing number 2 for awhile now, although every now and then number 1 does get to me and I have a really rough day. What's tough for me, is that other than the people I work with I don't really have a physical support system out here. My support system is 99% on the east coast...and for any and all of you reading this who are one of the amazing people that I talk to everyday - thank you for being there. I know I remind you guys of how important your presence in my daily life is, but seriously - thank you for saving my life. Thank you for making me laugh, for being a wall to bounce ideas and thoughts off, thank you for your constant counseling and therapy, for everything. Mom and dad, you're both fully included in all of that. You guys all give me so much to look forward to and honestly a reason to wake up in the morning and keep working my ass off even though I feel totally alone out here most of the time. The one thing that combats those feelings and makes me forget about this situation - is you guys. Firefly, Hollywood, you are both second to none and I love you guys.

Things to look forward to....
I'm moving in about a month and a half, or possibly less. That's exciting, a new city will be cool and I need a physical change anyway. I need to hit the refresh button on my life and that will help to do so, and then a little after that I'll really hit the refresh button hard.

I get to go home for a week in august!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's what I'm looking forward to most, it happens to be for my birthday but who cares, I just want to be at home and spending time with my parents and friends. I'm looking forward to playing golf with my dad, going to the beach, going out with friends, eating good food that I can't get here, all of it. That basically keeps me going everyday, I talk about it so much it probably annoys the hell out of people but whatever I'm excited.

I guess that's about it, we have a company picnic/drinking festival and a rockies game to go to soon so that will be cool. And possibly a trip to the BlackHawk casino resort in the mountains paid for by the company....limos, hotel rooms, cash to gamble with...if we win this contest which we are in strong contention to win. That would be unreal, so I'm hoping we pull it off.

I think I'm out of ideas to write about for now, so I'm going to go get my laundry and probably go to bed. Have a great week everybody, cheers~

Saturday, June 12, 2010

It's been awhile!

Wow yeah it has been quite awhile since I've written anything on here but a certain somebody, firefly actually, recommended I start writing again. I've referenced firefly before haven't I? I think so.

Anyway, I'll start writing again soon so stay tuned.