Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Betsy the Potted Palm

Ok so since my last post I resigned from my job as a financial advisor because it was not paying me any money and was actually going to start costing me a few hundred dollars a month to work there. Since I am not Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly I could not afford that and I chose to leave in search of a job with a salary rather than commission.

So how's that going you ask?
-Well I left in early december and as of today (january 12th) I do not have a job yet. I've applied for a bunch of jobs but I've lost track of how many e-mails I've gotten telling me that "other candidates qualifications more closely match our requirements" or something along those lines. Annoying, but it's all good. Now you might be wondering, well cjames37 you should probably get a part time job. You'd be correct, and I am trying. Interesting enough, I cannot manage to do that either. I was rejected for a bank teller position for an unnamed company that uses a red and yellow logo with a horse and carriage, even though I have almost 12 months of bank teller experience. Go figure.

I have decided that because I have a bit of free time currently, with the whole being unemployed thing and all, that I will write about my daily or weekly life in a way that I hope will entertain anybody who reads this and ideally make them laugh. If not, then you suck and have no sense of humor. Just kidding, sort of. Ok so now in doing this I'll be talking about my personal life and those around me, and to protect their privacy I'll refer to everybody as a nickname. Some nicknames will be obvious, and some will be random names that have nothing to do with who I'm talking about. For instance I may call a girl "Hubert" or "Cletus" because that will confuse you (the reader) and because I think those are funny names. Moving on...

What do you do on a daily basis?
-So happy you asked. My day generally consists of a few simple things. I go to the gym and workout and pretend that I'm super ultra strong and huge, but in reality I'm not. I mean, i'm not skinny, but I would just say i'm athletic looking rather than "that dude looks like he could lift me over his head and throw me out the window" big. After the gym things just get more boring. I go home, put on techno music, and apply for jobs. Why techno? Because techno makes me type faster and apply to more places. There's no real correlation between the music and why I do that, so don't ask. It just works, and my neighbors can think I'm weird, but they're right so it's ok. Now as of today the applying process is a mixed experience because while I feel good about being productive and applying for jobs, I have been getting e-mail rejections for other jobs I applied for. So if the day is like a game score where I get points for each app and lose one for each rejection, I finished today at about 4 maybe. 3 rejections in 36 hours. Either I such something awful, or this country sucks, or a nice mix of both. Probably that last one.

It gets better. After I do my applications and workout, I'll do errands or whatever, or I'll just say I'm doing errands so that people I talk to don't realize how boring my life is currently, and then I'll play Playstation 3, more specifically Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 for....oh...more hours than I'm willing to admit to on here. Because COD: MW2 is so incredible, I'm going to start a new paragraph and bold it to explain it's awesome-ness.

What I'm about to write will probably make you lose respect for me or think that I am a total loser, and that's ok, because if you think that then most likely you don't know what I'm talking about or you haven't tried it and therefore you haven't lived.

Ok so the game is basically a first person shooter and it's set in present day and what matters is that you can play this game online on the playstation network against other nerdy guys who won't admit they're nerdy when it comes to this game but cannot wait to get home and play each evening. You can also play with your friends online, and because all of my friends are scattered around the damn country, we play together often and in a strange nerdtastic way, it helps us keep in touch.

Now I play this game with one particular friend almost daily, we'll call him....Hollywood. Hollywood is getting that name because it fits his personality and his desire for glitz, glam, and the like. Hollywood and I are a pretty legit team, and to further kill the image everyone has of me I'll let you all in on a secret. Hollywood and I play this game, while video chatting on Skype. We're like 2 teenage asian kids and to be honest, it's awesome. I know how incredibly lame and nerdy this all sounds but really it's just 2 dudes playing a game and staying in touch.

Now today was rather uneventful I suppose but I feel good about it because at this point of being unemployed and not having much to do, when I actually do something, I feel pretty productive. Don't take this to mean that I actually do much besides my normal routine, I mean like little stuff that a normal person would not even think twice of. But when you have become as cool as I am (end sarcasm) the little stuff gets to be pretty fun and enjoyable. So after the gym I decided to go Home Depot and buy something because my sister had given me a gift card. I ended up buying a palm plant and a pot for it (pictured). Her name is Betsy, Betsy the Potted Palm.

Ok, interruption, my friend MetalLegs just posted something on my facebook and she sent me this awesome link the other day. It's a blog where some woman writes down her husbands crazy rantings and comments while he's sleeping. Very funny, go look at it, now, ignore what I'm writing because that site is way funnier.

Back to the story of Betsy, so I bought Betsy and I bought a pot for her. Naturally I bought a pot that is too small as you'll notice in the picture because....well because I'm not a botanist, not a gardener, and generally just have moments where my common sense tells me to f--- off and as a result I make dumb decisions...such as buying Betsy a pot that reminds me of a fat girl wearing a belly shirt. It's just not ok and nobody should be subjected to it. I'm currently developing a backstory for Betsy because I'm awesome and that's what I do. I make up stories for inanimate objects, what do you do?

PS- sparkling water is really delicious and you should all go get some. It's cheap, has no calories or sugar, not that I care but you might, and it tastes like Awesome and Righteous got together and made a bad decision and sparkling water was their love child.

That's about all I've got for now. Besides, I think it's time to play COD. Ziiiiing!

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